Right now I am the most lost, confused, angry, deporessed, happy, bipolar, I have ever been. I have no idea what’s wrong with me and to be honest I don’t really want to know, acutely I don’t care to know. Because what you don’t know can’t hurt you. But that’s a total lie because not knowing is hurting me more than anything right now. Not knowing if I even have any real friends. My bestfriend I constantly fight with, for every 2 good days there’s 6 bad. My other best friend, well ex-best friend hates me because I say to much and then mess things up. Then I apologize and that just makes everything worst. Sure I have friends in school. Well if you can even call them friends. They talk to me when they need something or no one else is around. Sooo basically I’m just there to listen to the fake ones talk about there fake friends but they think they are there real friends and that’s where everything gets messed up because in reality nobody has friends because everyone in this world is to fake and prideful. My sister is becoming one of my friends, kinda, but all we do is fight also. Also me and my mother fight a lot because she pushes me to try to be this perfect little Christian girl that I’ll never be and she annoys the crap out of me because whatever I do Im always not good enough for her. Whateves. I haven’t talked to my dad in 3 days and I’m pretty sure he forgot he had a third child because I’m the odd one out because my brother and sister are smart and athletic and that’s all that matters to him. Which is exactly the way guys in my grade/school/ all over the freaking world are and that’s why I’m 16 and have never had a boyfriend or been kissed. I’m like some type of troll to all the guys around me. Well it’s not even just the guys no girls like me either which is expectable because girls don’t want to be friends with girls that guys don’t like because then guys think there losers which they’re really are but all guys see are they athletic ability and there boobs, butt, tan skin, perfect hair, and the slutty personality that they all share. Seems legit. All I am is a fake happy girl that covers up her feelings with jokes and then sometimes lets her feelings out and then it just blows up in her face but of course she doesn’t learn because she does it again and again. She just doesn’t learn. Then I get angry at all the mistakes I have made and have to fake be happy wile I’m mad and then all my fake happy jokes turn out rude then I’m just that rude girl and everything is ruined once again. Bottom line is my grandma and sister are my only friends. I’m constantly hungry. Guys think I’m repulsing. My grades suck. I’m not athletic and I’m addicted to Greys Anatomy. Also I’m skipping a party tomorrow becaue me and my best friend got in a fight and I’m to chicken to go with her because I’m a baby and am disgusted with myself so I’m just gonna watch my show and clean at my grandmas.
On the bright side I get to take my permit test in less then a week and I start training at my job June second.
Not much to be happy about but hopefully it will pull me through the end of the school year and then summer will be here and I can just be free. I hope.
I’m honestly so sick of everyone, I mean EVERYONE in my life.
